Start. Restart. Restart AGAIN

This blog is really a sham. At least it will be if I don’t get my butt in gear. I started it almost a year ago though I am heavier and more out of shape than when I started! I know I have been full of excuses and reasons and retries and do-overs and berating myself and complaints— yes, I’ve done it all!! But here’s the thing.. considering my circumstances it’s not surprise. Really, I am not making another excuse. Okay, maybe in a way I am but I have a lot of shit going on and it’s very stressful and obviously when I stressed, I turn to food. So what am I stressed about exactly? Here’s the rundown..

1. My 50th (50th!!!) birthday is right around the corner. That alone is enough to send some people to hit the cookie jar.
2. I am still single. Never been married. So shocking. Really, I NEVER thought this would have happened in a million years. NEVER. It’s depressing.
3. My job won’t renew my contract. Long story but I did nothing wrong.
4. I am considering filing a law suit.
5. I have no family in the area.

These are starting to add up, right? Really, any one of these is enough to plunge someone into a depression.

6. I am a single mom. Yes, it was by choice (adoption) and yes I knew it would be hard (but not this hard).
7. My house is a mess. I am taking breaks from writing this blog post to do some cleaning here or there but with a young child here and no time or money.. well..
8. My savings and retirement are a mess.
9. I have no man and no time to date.
10. I am fat.
11. I am tired and have aches and pains and look like crap.

Am I depressing you yet?! LOL

12. I did the lottery to try to find a good school for my child next year and we didn’t get in anywhere good. I put one school on there that I never visited and we matched with that school. I went to enroll her after the acceptance, and well let’s just say there is no way in hell I would enroll her there. What does that mean? It means either we attend our neighborhood school which I am not a fan of, we get into one of our other choices off the waitlist or we move to a different neighborhood where the local school is better.
13. I have cellulite and melasma and grey hair and extremely dry skin. I’m purty. 😉
14. I have no time to be creative. Or exercise. Or date. I have no time for anything other than cooking, cleaning, working and parenting. That’s it.
15. My house has ants. In the bedroom! Wtf? Not in the kitchen where the food and water are but in my bedroom?! What in the world?!

I think that’s enough for now, I’m starting to depress myself! LOL. Actually, I go through waves. Right now I’m not feeling so despondent. I am actually feeling pretty positive for some odd reason (I’ll take it!) but you know that for some people just one or two of these would be enough to send them over the edge. The fact that I am still here and still kicking and still laughing about it and slowly checking things off my massive TO DO list speaks volumes about my strength and character, right?! Ha! That or I will officially break down any day now!

Anyway, enough feeling sorry for myself. I just wanted to share what’s causing such slow progress over here. The thing is, TOO BAD! Really, so what? People have gone through worse things and have carried on much better than I.

So… after I scarf down a few more of these cookies I am back to trying AGAIN tomorrow.

I wouldn’t be mad if you didn’t believe me. I’m not sure I believe myself.


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