Archive for the ‘attitude’ Category

Happy Unfierce Birthday to Me

Well I started this blog a year ago thinking I had two years to get fierce but I end year one fatter than ever. And totally and completely unfierce. I look old and decrepit. 😦

But I am excited to say that I am totally on board once again to strive for the hottest, sexiest, strongest, healthiest version of myself. 🙂 I have 365 days until I turn the dreaded 5-0 and I can’t enter into a new decade looking like this! Tomorrow I will share my weight and measurements.

Let’s do this!

Start. Restart. Restart AGAIN

This blog is really a sham. At least it will be if I don’t get my butt in gear. I started it almost a year ago though I am heavier and more out of shape than when I started! I know I have been full of excuses and reasons and retries and do-overs and berating myself and complaints— yes, I’ve done it all!! But here’s the thing.. considering my circumstances it’s not surprise. Really, I am not making another excuse. Okay, maybe in a way I am but I have a lot of shit going on and it’s very stressful and obviously when I stressed, I turn to food. So what am I stressed about exactly? Here’s the rundown..

1. My 50th (50th!!!) birthday is right around the corner. That alone is enough to send some people to hit the cookie jar.
2. I am still single. Never been married. So shocking. Really, I NEVER thought this would have happened in a million years. NEVER. It’s depressing.
3. My job won’t renew my contract. Long story but I did nothing wrong.
4. I am considering filing a law suit.
5. I have no family in the area.

These are starting to add up, right? Really, any one of these is enough to plunge someone into a depression.

6. I am a single mom. Yes, it was by choice (adoption) and yes I knew it would be hard (but not this hard).
7. My house is a mess. I am taking breaks from writing this blog post to do some cleaning here or there but with a young child here and no time or money.. well..
8. My savings and retirement are a mess.
9. I have no man and no time to date.
10. I am fat.
11. I am tired and have aches and pains and look like crap.

Am I depressing you yet?! LOL

12. I did the lottery to try to find a good school for my child next year and we didn’t get in anywhere good. I put one school on there that I never visited and we matched with that school. I went to enroll her after the acceptance, and well let’s just say there is no way in hell I would enroll her there. What does that mean? It means either we attend our neighborhood school which I am not a fan of, we get into one of our other choices off the waitlist or we move to a different neighborhood where the local school is better.
13. I have cellulite and melasma and grey hair and extremely dry skin. I’m purty. 😉
14. I have no time to be creative. Or exercise. Or date. I have no time for anything other than cooking, cleaning, working and parenting. That’s it.
15. My house has ants. In the bedroom! Wtf? Not in the kitchen where the food and water are but in my bedroom?! What in the world?!

I think that’s enough for now, I’m starting to depress myself! LOL. Actually, I go through waves. Right now I’m not feeling so despondent. I am actually feeling pretty positive for some odd reason (I’ll take it!) but you know that for some people just one or two of these would be enough to send them over the edge. The fact that I am still here and still kicking and still laughing about it and slowly checking things off my massive TO DO list speaks volumes about my strength and character, right?! Ha! That or I will officially break down any day now!

Anyway, enough feeling sorry for myself. I just wanted to share what’s causing such slow progress over here. The thing is, TOO BAD! Really, so what? People have gone through worse things and have carried on much better than I.

So… after I scarf down a few more of these cookies I am back to trying AGAIN tomorrow.

I wouldn’t be mad if you didn’t believe me. I’m not sure I believe myself.

I Did It

Yep! I went to the gym. I planned on going to the 9:45 Zumba class but when I got there I learned that it had been cancelled. Not wanting to leave without doing something I asked if I could get the free assessment they offer to new members. Turns out the “assessment” was actually a personal training session with weigh-in, body fat analysis and BMI. I was hoping for measurements instead of the personal training hard sell but it was cool. We worked out for an hour and let me tell you, it was hard work! I am so out of shape. The good news is it won’t take much to see a vast improvement. Here are my miserable numbers:

Weight: 158
BMI: 25
Percentage of body fat: 36%

Awful. Really awful. Like off the charts awful. A BMI of 25 for my height is considered overweight and he showed me on the chart that someone in the 36% body fat range is considered to be in “extremely poor” shape. Wow. It was very useful information though; I left the gym and bought some more produce to juice and salad fixings. I plan to eat salads for many, many meals. I love them and they can be super healthy so it’s all good. I’m feeling pretty confident that starting today things are going to start to improve.

Well Hello There!

Gosh, it has been awhile. Things have been crazy. Really crazy. Work has been awful and as a result I have eaten everything in sight. I have been too afraid to step on a scale but my pants are tight. REALLY tight. It’s terrible. They are so uncomfortable and I really am unhappy with things but luckily Lent is upon us and I have decided to utilize it to help me get more focused. It’s working! I have given up sugar and alcohol which means I am drinking more water and I am not snacking nearly as much! I haven’t been fasting much but I did fast on Ash Wednesday and, weirdly, I enjoy it. I like how it attunes my body to my hunger signals and when I finally do eat I enjoy healthy foods immensely.

In my next post I will share my measurements and weight (and maybe pictures) so we can see if there is any progress during these 40 days! Ack.

OMG My Face!

I woke up yesterday morning and my face looked puffy. I hadn’t sleep very well so I figured that was it. I also over indulged and felt bloated. My mom’s 86th birthday was yesterday and we went out for dinner to a Japanese hibachi grill and had cake and ice cream afterwards. I had wheat noodles and unknown oils and non-organic vegetables and beef that was probably not grass-fed. The cake and ice cream were store-bought and filled with sugar, artificial favors and colors. Your typical American meal, tasty but so bad for you (well, me). I ate and ate and ate, crammed in as much as possible and then ate some more so when I looked puffy I wasn’t particularly surprised. What shocked me though was my skin! I was applying lotion to my face and I could feel fine bumps all over my skin! Something had made me break out. What in the world am I doing to myself?? I know I’m sensitive to certain foods yet I continue to eat them? Makes. No. Sense.

I am beyond frustrated and annoyed with myself. I havent eaten anything yet today. I’m not sure what to eat. I know I need to go on a fast to rid myself of all these toxins but I don’t want to! I want to prepare some black-eyed peas for New Year’s Day; I want to bake sugar cookies with my five-year-old… that’s what I want to do. Waah! Poor me. Whine, whine, whine… I need to get over it, I know. And I can bake cookies with her without eating any! I know this too. Why is food-well eating really-such a fun, social activity? If I lived in a remote village somewhere I wouldn’t have options and would simply be grateful for a piece of meat to go with my veggie and starch. Decorated Christmas cookies?? Am I really complaining that I can’t eat Christmas cookies? Yes I am and I need to stop.

It’s Getting Easier

Okay, three things.

1. Trying to eat a balanced, healthy, no alcohol, sugar and gluten-free diet is not easy and it’s especially difficult during the holiday season! Duh! What was I thinking? But here’s the thing. I must have turned a corner or something because even though I haven’t been 100% or even 75% I have started to wrap my mind around the fact that it is something I have to do and I am consciously making better choices and without so much frustration and anger. Yep, that’s me–angry that I can’t buy cookies and pizza whenever I want. 🙂 So, if I am dying for the peppermint mocha I just ask for fewer shots (less sugar) and skip the pastry or sugar cookies that I would normally want to go with it. Am I sugar and gluten-free now? Not by a long shot but I am doing better!! And here’s a life saver: Gutinos! Have you tried them? They are the gluten-free version of Oreos. Too sweet so you can’t overindulge and taste almost the same. Yes, I’m trying to go with just meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts and seeds but in the meantime I will eat my gluten-free junk food as I work on my transition! Here’s the thing though. I shouldn’t be eating grains, sugar, alcohol or processed foods. My child shouldn’t be eating sugar, dairy, processed foods and she doesn’t like beef, processed meat and most vegetables. I am at a loss as to what to serve us! It’s difficult!

2. I am still dealing with chronic hip pain. No, I am still not working out but I recently learned I am very deficient in Vitamin D and have started taking supplements. Turns out that Vitamin D deficiency has been linked to chronic pain! I am curious to see if taking supplements helps me at all.

3. I whine and complain too much and this blog is dreadful. Going to only post positive changes from now on!

You’re welcome.

It’s Been a Minute

Or make that three weeks since I’ve posted. That is a damn shame. But you know what is more of a shame? That I have been eating non-stop junk and feel like crap. The pain in my hip is really, really bad and Thanksgiving was just a free for all and I am paying the price. Ugh, not fun. So  I have a new challenge for myself (AGAIN): no wheat/extremely limited grains and no sugar or alcohol til Christmas. Today was day 1 and it was okay. I created some pumpkin pancakes with pumpkin purée yogurt, oats, eggs and maple syrup. They were decent and extremely filling. Dinner was leftover baked fish, baked chicken, acorn squash with onions and cranberries and water. Need to up my water for sure. Oh wait, I almost forgot. I also had a huge juice at breakfast with kale, coconut water, beets, pineapple and apple. I saved the rest to start my day tomorrow. Plan on juicing a lot this month. I feel full and satisfied as I type this and not craving the chocolate chip cookies or the peppermint cocoa I bought yesterday from Trader Joe’s (hours before I decided to change my food intake). I may allow myself one evening to enjoy cocoa and cookies while we decorate our Christmas tree, I’m not going to lie –oh, and I may slip up when we make a gingerbread house, but the plan is to really be more conscious of what goes into my mouth. Maybe I can decorate the tree and make a gingerbread house without slipping up! Who knows? What I do know is that I am down to a year and a half to become fierce and at this rate it’s not going to happen!!