Archive for the ‘meat’ Category

Alrighty Then..

Yeah, that was a low moment. Rereading my last post is depressing. It’s all true, though today I don’t feel so down about my situation. I’m still huge and soon to be unemployed but I had a date last week and I have a date this week. Progress! And I just got my Visa bill in the mail and I honestly thought I owed around $12,000¬† (I pay online without looking at the bill) but it was only $3,064.40. Seriously, I had no idea. I was so excited I immediately logged on to the computer and paid an additional $1500 this month. OMG it’s nearly paid off; I am thrilled. So, I may not have a job come June but I also won’t have any consumer debt as my American Express already has a zero balance. Yeah!

Now the food thing is a different story. Well Lent has helped a lot! I am not eating sugar or red meat or drinking alcohol and that is definitely saving me calories. I am also on a fresh squeezed grapefruit kick which is filling and delicious as well as being low-calorie. I’m also fasting occasionally which is also helpful. I’m making very sloooooowww progress but it’s progress nonetheless.

Now if I can just get to the measurements and pictures..

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Always Some Excuse

So breakfast was juice and lunch was a smoothie. But the weather was cold and I was heating up lunch for my daughter.. and I broke down. I ate some cauliflower with cheddar and butter and some black-eyed peas with carrots that had been prepared using smoked turkey and chicken stock. Did I eat any grains? No. Anything processed? Not really. Anything with refined sugar? No. But I had animal products and beans which I said I wouldn’t have. Was I asleep by ten? Yes. Did I wake up early and do yoga? Yes. I am proud of what I accomplished but annoyed with myself for not sticking to my plan, especially as I look in the mirror and see my checks are still covered with hives or this rash or whatever this is.

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It is winter. We got a ton of snow yesterday. I want warm food. In the movie Joe fasted when it was warm weather. So did the other guy they highlighted, Phil. I’m pretty sure it was warm when Daniel and Jesus¬† and Gandhi and other religious figures fasted. Who solely drinks cold juices when it’s 20 degrees outside? I’m sure people do it but gosh darn it if it doesn’t make it more difficult. Though, then again, some folks fast without any food or drink and do it when it’s 100 degrees outside. It’s done. It’s not comfortable. It’s not supposed to be easy or fun or comfortable. I think this really illuminates what kind of person I am. I want what I want when I want it. I gave in. I indulged myself. I didn’t persevere. I gave up.

I gave up.

It got too hard.

It wasn’t fair.

I did the yoga, I got some sleep. I avoided grains and sugar… so I justified eating the food. I did part of it.

But I didn’t do exactly what I set out to do.

Why not? Why was I okay with doing just a half-assed job? Or rather (because I was not okay with it) why did I give up? My skin/energy level/health are suffering! Isn’t that enough?

What is my deal?

I have no idea. This is interesting though. Depressing. Enlightening. Maddening. Infuriating! Sad.

On to Day 2. Or rather Day 1 again. Wish me luck.